is he a man?

Have you seen The Mindy Project?

It's kinda funny.

But I just like this quote.

It's just some food for thought.

Danny: Was he a man?
Mindy: What do you mean? Yeah, of course he was a man.
Danny: No, I mean, like, was he a man?
Mindy: Danny, don’t just repeat it and expect me to understand what you’re saying.
Danny: Was this the kinda guy who, if he heard glass breaking in the middle of the night, is he gonna jump out of bed, say, “stay here,” and look through the house naked with a baseball bat, or is he gonna hide under the covers with you? Is this the kinda guy who is gonna get grossed out when you give birth, or is he gonna dry your forehead and tell you you look beautiful while all that disgusting stuff is coming out of you? Is this the kinda guy that’s not afraid to get into a fistfight at a Springsteen show because someone really disrespects him? And he’ll just put it out… And he’ll take ‘em down right there, right now?
Mindy: You’re just talking about yourself.

a lesson in self-control

The other day at work one of my girls said to me, 

"Your Uggs are fake. I can tell because the Uggs brand doesn't make them that color."

{Note: My fake Uggs are tan.}

I wish that you could hear the mean and rude tone of voice she used.

In my head, my initial response is not so pleasant.

I just want to say, 

"Only b*tchy, entitled people take the time to notice the subtle difference in the shade of tan between 'real' and 'fake' Uggs." 

Because, what does it matter if my boots are fake? 

They are warm and they do the job.

So I paid half the price for the same value?

That makes me awesome! 

But instead I took a half step to pause and think about the right way to respond.

So then we had a conversation about how I don't have a lot of money to be throwing around at expensive shoes, and even if I did, I would probably choose to spend it on more worthwhile things.

We talked about how pointing out people's 'fake' shoes could be hurtful because it is commentary on their monetary value and, honestly, the value of a human being is not monetary. 

And it was a good moment for us.

I think I learned a lot more than she did.

I remembered the importance of self-control. 

That the gratifying moment of calling someone a mean name is not lasting.

But healthy human relationships are.

If my response had been less than kind, my relationship with this girl would have suffered.

***

A few years ago my brother and I were helping a friend do some gardening.

She had just had a little boy.

She was nervous about raising a boy.

So she asked my brother what the most important thing she needed to teach this little guy.

My brother thought for a minute.

"Self-control."

And I got chills.

Some things are just true.

And truth always touches my heart.

And it rushed through my brain all the millions of ways that self-control would be of importance.

in accomplishing difficult tasks, in working a job to provide for a family, in gaining an education, in always treating women with respect and kindness, in raising children, in avoiding pornography and immorality, in being a good friend, in living the gospel. 

So, self-control. 

The List

You know.

THE List.

The one that every girl makes at some point to describe her dream man.

I could pull out my old journals and give you some entertainment.

With things like,

Tall and dark with curly hair and green eyes

or

Must act like Mr. Knightley and be a Jedi and have a beard and also be a pirate

Luckily, I've matured enough to not have that kind of a list anymore.

My list now is based off of the best components of my favorite relationships with my loved ones.

1. enjoys being silly

2. crazy about me

3. enjoys being around me

4. expresses love frequently

5. honest with me, even when I am wrong, but never in a hurtful manner

6. will drop everything and come if I need him

7. provides where possible

8. needs me in his life

9. expresses his needs/wants/opinions

10. generous to everyone

11. places people above things

12. makes sacrifice look easy because he understands that it is worth it

13. loves his/mine/our family

14. energetic

15. gentle

16. comfortable 

17. willing to place my needs above his own

18. supports me and my ideas

19. strives for creativity

20. humble enough to ask for my help

21. worthy priesthood holder

22. loves the temple

23. loves me!

I know it is a long list.

But these are the things that the people I love and admire most in my life exemplify and are striving for.

These are the things that I strive for in my every day life. 

And I don't think it is too much to ask of myself or the man who I love.

What does your list look like?

Are you married and does your spouse fit your list?

Also, this: 

strange dreams

Last night I had the strangest dream

I had to have multiple meetings with people at work over the goblin problem we were battling.

That's right, goblins.

They were causing trouble with our girls. 

And we couldn't do outside chores because the goblins were a nuisance and all kidnappy.

So we had to come up with a plan.

And we set out one of the girls as bait in our trap.

(If you work with me, ask who and then you will laugh.)

We had a neat heat sensor thing so we could know when they were coming and everything.

Then it all turned into me being dropped off from our secret meeting in a big black truck.

And my friend was at my house with my family.

And he was all weirdly into being with them and excited to see me.

That's when I realized it was a dream.

Because the goblins didn't tip me off, but this friend being all weirdly emotionally snuggly with me and my family did.

Ha. 

creativity and stuff and a pretty picture and people that I love and thoughts

{nothing to do with the post I just like this and it reminds me of the new A Fine Frenzy album Pines which I am obsessed with}

A dear friend of mine recently wrote that she loved creating her life year after year by the side of her husband. 

That just tugged at my heart. 

And of course got me thinking about what I was creating and who else was involved in creating who I am today?

Who am I creating my life with?

I keep seeing this little thing that says, 

You become the 5 people you spend the most time with.

How cool is that?

And scary?

Who is creating me?

Who am I creating?

I think the number one person I spent the most time with is me.

{uh oh this could get confusing... I'm becoming myself? Yes! Maybe.}

I have always been slightly more introverted, preferring my own company over the company of others.

But that's how I know if I really love someone, is if I choose time with them over being alone.

It's a great measurement for my feelings about others.

Anyways, 5 people I spend the most time with...

Talana Matt Troy Joey my girls at work and uh oh this turned into a post where I realized that I don't have a lot of friends now I am going to go cry myself to sleep waaaaaaahhhhh

Just kidding there are a lot of people I spend time with. 

But those are the ones I spend the most time with and it is seriously so much time that I don't spend as much time with all the others.

Do phone calls count?

Cause I spend a lot of time with my family then.

Ok I'm going to end this cause I'm rambling now.

2013: let's do this

The New Year always brings New Feelings.

I didn't have a chance to do the deep introspection that I usually do on the first day of the year because I was working.

But that's ok.

It was great to make money.

So I am thinking today about my Feelings.

I made up a tiny little list of how I imagine that I want this year to go.

I love goals because I feel like they are ways to record the little milestones so I actually know how I'm doing in life. 

A reference point, if you will. 

So here a few for this year.

1. be kind

2. be forgiving

3. be open

4. travel somewhere new

5. have an adventure

6. work hard where it matters

I'm trying to keep them simple so that they can apply to more than just one thing.

Today I want to be kind to my family, to be forgiving to those that have hurt me, to be open in what I am feeling with the people who matter, to go on a road trip, to take the sailing lesson I signed up for, and to work hard in school and in my relationships.

And I feel like it's going to be a good year.

A friend told me that 23 is the best year. 

And so far it has been.

Not because of events, but because I am so sure of me.

I feel more like myself than I ever have.

And I'm excited to start this new year. 

I write this as I finish off a carton of rocky road ice cream atop a pile of laundry on my bed that I'm too lazy to fold.

I am not having enough adventures in my life.

I just watched Brave last night. 

And the only thought running through my head...

{ok fine, the second thought. HER HAIRS!!!}

Anyways, my thoughts began to revolve around Scotland and magic and adventures. 

Time for some adventures.

Top 10 Fictional Characters That I Would Date

1. The Doctor.

Are any of you surprised? 

I didn't think so. 

The only reason I ever go running is because that is practically all the Doctor does and I have to be able to keep up with him one day. 

Pros: Witty, sincere, adventurous, kind, good, adorable, energetic, beautiful, genius. 

Drops out of the sky and takes you on adventures through all of time and space.

And did I mention the hair? 

I mean, really great hair. 

I'll take Ten or Eleven. 

Cons: In the words of River Song, "When the man one loves is an ageless god who insists on the face of a twelve year old, one does one's best to hide the damage."

No one who is in love with the Doctor winds up winning in the long run.

Projected Duration of Relationship:
 2-10 years
 (that's about the time that something timey wimey and terrible usually happens to companions)

2. Superman

My favorite superhero.
I have been in love with him for a real long time.
I have a Superman backpack and Talana and I are besties partially because she has a Superman snuggie.

Pros: SUPERMAN.
Also, Tom Welling.

Cons: Alien and hung up on Lois Lane

PDR: until the first time I got held hostage by his enemies I'm outta there.

3. Rory Williams

Amelia Pond chose him over the Doctor for a reason, people.
He is the best that humanity has to offer.

Pros: Sweet, good, wants to help people.
Cute face.
British. 

Did I mention that he waited 2,000 years for the woman he loved?

2,000 years! 

Cons: He's died too many times to count.

That would be hard to deal with. 

PDR: Forever.

4. John Watson

I just think he's so cute.

Pros: Sweet and thoughtful, doesn't need to be the center of attention.
He works hard.
He is patient.

Cons: His bromance with Sherlock

PDR: 3 months until Sherlock drove a wedge between us

5. Ned, The Pie Maker

Pros: He is good and helpful and tries to do the right thing.
He puts his love of a girl above a lot of things.
He is willing to make sacrifices.
He obviously is not dependent on the physical parts of a relationship.
He makes pie for a living.

Cons: When he touches dead things they come back to life.

PDR: Forever. Because if I die he'll bring me back to life. 

6. Peter Pan

If I were 10 years younger, I would want him.

Pros: Fun loving and adventurous.
Hangs out with mermaids, pirates, fairies, and indians.

Cons: Terribly selfish.
Forgets real fast.

PDR: Until I went out of town for a bit and he forgot that I existed.

7. Sherlock

Pros: Brilliant and beautiful.

Cons: High functioning sociopath.

PDR: We'd never get started.
I'm way too unobservant by nature and would drive him up the wall.


8. Han Solo

Oh I have been in love with this man since the first time I saw Star Wars at age 8.
So, so in love.

Pros: He's rugged and adventurous and snarky and has his own spaceship.
He's fiercely independent.
He is a bad boy with a moral compass.
Yussss...

Cons: He has a lot of debt which got him frozen in carbonite.

PDR: 3 years
I can't see him settling down and I'd be wanting marriage at that point.

9. King Arthur

I used to dream of being Guinevere.

Pros: He's a king.
He is chivalrous and romantic.

Cons: People didn't take baths back around 1000 AD

PDR: 10-15 years.
Then Mordred would show up and I don't think I could handle his existence.

10. Fox Mulder

Pros: He loves aliens as much as I do.
He is dedicated to what he believes in and not afraid to make sacrifices for it.

Cons: He's kind of obsessed with conspiracies.

PDR: 6 mos.
His crusade would drive me nuts.

Soundtrack to my Summer

As the weather begins to cool off and I get away with wearing long sleeves all day and can't float down the river because it's too cold, I realize that I am not ready for summer to leave me. 

This summer was fabulous.

Not everything was perfect.

But it sure did have some fabulous moments. 

I was listening to the radio and thinking about all the songs I listened to the most this summer.
So there's one for every picture.

All This and Heaven Too by Florence and the Machine

Lounging in Parker's hammock and reading The Magic Barrel. 

Call Me Maybe by Carly Rae Jepsen

I went to 7 Peaks A LOT with my Pass of All Passes. 

Easily the best money I spent all summer.

It's closed until next summer and I miss it so bad.

I just want to go back right now. 

Springsteen by Eric Church

My early morning drives to work were incredible.

I did work a lot, but it was great.

I love my job.

Niagra Falls by Sara Evans

We went to Strawberry Reservoir where Derik did some fishing.

anything Mariah Carey and Beyonce. These crawdads had soul!

We were more successful catching crawdads, though.

They really like bacon.

The best moment was when Joey wrapped his arm in bacon and stuck it in the water.

It worked!

Hell on the Heart by Eric Church

The sky continued to be stunning and made me remember why I love Utah so much.

You're Gonna Love Me by Chris Young

(I made Kenzie play that song for me over and over that night.)

I didn't get to a ton of concerts, but this was a good one. 

Kenzie and I have excited faces to see Jo Dee Messina.

She's still got it. 

What a woman.

One Thing and That's What Makes You Beautiful by One Direction

The Spanish Fork Reservoir was another one of my favorites.

I went there quite a few times.

Red Dirt Road by Brooks and Dunn

(Have you ever tried to keep headphones in your and the driver's ears while on a motorcycle? It's a tough job!)

The best part was perhaps when this boy brought home a motorcycle.

Rides are less fun now that it's getting chilly.

So now it is time for apple cider and pumpkins and tights and HALLOWEEN (my flavorite!)

And normally it is my most enjoyed time of year. 

But this year it is going to have to work to win me over.

Because I WANT SUMMER!

Fun Times.

So I have these friends...

And they are crazy cool.

Fun.

Kind.

Silly.

Adorable in every way.

Here we are marching off for an adventure.

Matt doesn't like having his picture taken sometimes.

The adventurers. 

The whiners. 

The gang. 

Matt forgot how to make an excited face.

Joey took a leap of faith and came out muddy.

Aren't they the cutest?

Talana and I have been besties for 12 years, now. 

I love her still.

7 peaks silly times are required. 

The amount of energy one gets there from excitement is incredible.

The crawdad lets go of the bacon?

No big deal.

Stick your hand in and grab it.

But watch out for pinchers!

Adorbs.

I love my boys.

haaaa!

You're sleeping in the car!

I love them.

And the past week or so has been a crazy whirlwind of nonstop fun times.

I have never felt so blessed.

sort out your priorities

This is a picture of one of my pinterest boards. 

I have priorities, people. 

I did a lot of things today. 

I should have done a lot of other things today. 

Example:

Should have done the dishes

Did go see Snow White & the Huntsman in the dollar theatre

Should have taken a bath

Did eat half a carton of ice cream

Should have done charts for work

Did balance my checkbook

Should have left for work on time

Did eat a leisurely breakfast and check my email

Should have not responded to an email

Did write a scathing response and almost pressed send but then erased it and wrote a polite one

Should have done laundry

Did talk on the phone for an hour

And yet, I am completely satisfied and feel accomplished. 

Strange how that works.

Privileges

I heard this story at institute this past week and have been thinking about it ever since. 

Some years ago President David O. McKay (1873–1970) told of the experience of some of those in the Martin handcart company. Many of these early converts had emigrated from Europe and were too poor to buy oxen or horses and a wagon. They were forced by their poverty to pull handcarts containing all of their belongings across the plains by their own brute strength. President McKay related an occurrence which took place some years after the heroic exodus:

"A teacher, conducting a class, said it was unwise ever to attempt, even to permit them [the Martin handcart company] to come across the plains under such conditions."

Then President McKay quoted an observer who was present in that class: "Some sharp criticism of the Church and its leaders was being indulged in for permitting any company of converts to venture across the plains with no more supplies or protection than a handcart caravan afforded.

"An old man in the corner . . . sat silent and listened as long as he could stand it, then he arose and said things that no person who heard him will ever forget. His face was white with emotion, yet he spoke calmly, deliberately, but with great earnestness and sincerity.

"In substance [he] said, 'I ask you to stop this criticism. You are discussing a matter you know nothing about. Cold historic facts mean nothing here, for they give no proper interpretation of the questions involved. Mistake to send the Handcart Company out so late in the season? Yes. But I was in that company and my wife was in it and Sister Nellie Unthank whom you have cited was there, too. We suffered beyond anything you can imagine and many died of exposure and starvation, but did you ever hear a survivor of that company utter a word of criticism? . . .

" 'I have pulled my handcart when I was so weak and weary from illness and lack of food that I could hardly put one foot ahead of the other. I have looked ahead and seen a patch of sand or a hill slope and I have said, I can go only that far and there I must give up, for I cannot pull the load through it.' "

He continues: " 'I have gone on to that sand and when I reached it, the cart began pushing me. I have looked back many times to see who was pushing my cart, but my eyes saw no one. I knew then that the angels of God were there.

" 'Was I sorry that I chose to come by handcart? No. Neither then nor any minute of my life since. The price we paid to become acquainted with God was a privilege to pay, and I am thankful that I was privileged to come in the Martin Handcart Company.' "

There are a lot of experiences in my life that haven't been easy.

But when I let them pull me closer to my Heavenly Father, they become sacred and so incredibly worth it. 

Story found here

Quoteables.

I just came across the best quote.

"Bear true witness, even if it be against yourself, your parents or your family."

~Ayaan Hirsi Ali, Infidel

Just think about it. 

Tell me your thoughts.

I have mine and they are SO GOOD.

I feel like the hardest one is bearing witness against yourself.

Yeah 7xs! (Because 3 is not enough. And because I miss Liz.)

Today was great for me. 

Let me tell you why.

1. I got to see these ladies. 

And it's been a long time since we've been all together. 

It was so lovely to see their beautiful faces and to remember how much love and fun we had growing up.

Yeah for weddings!

(I feel like that's the only time we see each other any more. Not for long. We're gonna plan a fun San Francisco trip to visit Alissa soon. Woot woot!)

2. Brother and Marc visited.

And made me giggle like I haven't in a few weeks.

Those boys are super funny.

My favorite was when they followed me around the grocery store pretending to be secret agents in their suits. 

Tee hee they are grrrrrrreat!

Yeah for silly brothers!

3. I got in a nice big dose of my Long Talks with Troy. 

I could have those all night, every night.

I love my sleep.

A lot.

But I think I would rather talk to him. 

Yeah for good friends!

(And for the Emotional Process of Change. And for vulnerability. And for California Speed.)

4. Sammy emailed me and and said the following:

"His voice is all smooth and amazing and makes me want to bite a pickle." 

I don't know what that means, but I laughed and laughed and laughed.

Yeah for funny brothers!

5. I got to have texty with Talana. 

Yeah for red heads!

6. I did some Therapeutic Recreation.

Sometimes when I am at work I have to stop and pinch myself.

I cannot believe I get paid to do some of the things we do.

I am so blessed. 

Yeah for TR!

7. Yeah for pie!

Nuff said.

What I Know

I don't talk about the Gospel too much.

Maybe because sometimes I forget what it means to me.

And all the blessings that come from it.

But today I remembered a lot of reasons why it is important to me.

As significant events happen in my life, I am reminded that the Lord is in the little moments that have led up to and prepared me for all those big moments.

1. I am grateful for the organization of the Church. 

Last week, my roommate bore her testimony about how we need organized religion.

A company wouldn't run without organization.

In the same way, the Gospel can't go forward without being organized.

I am grateful for what that gives to me.

2. I am grateful for the Priesthood.

For the sacred ordinances that it allows us to perform.

For Priesthood blessings.

For leadership and inspiration when I can't hear it on my own.

3. I am grateful for the Atonement.

For my Savior who forgives me and makes me clean again.

For a Redeemer who loves me in spite of my failings and is able to lift me up and help me be better.

4. I am grateful for a Bishop.

A Bishop Benson in particular.

Today, as he was released and another man took his place, I was able to look back across the past 3 years and see just how much he has affected me. 

I have grown in ways I never thought possible as he has taught me and guided me back to my Heavenly Father when I was lost. 

I have come to understand even better the love that my Heavenly Father has for me through this good man's love and humility and patience and guidance.

I don't know what I would have done without him these past few years.

The Lord puts certain people into our lives at certain times for a reason.

And I don't have enough fingers to count all the reasons why I know Bishop has been in my life. 

More than just a bishop, that man has been a father to me when mine was so far away. 

I can honestly say that the moments sitting and talking in his office are more valuable to me than anything else that has happened in the past 3 years. 

5. I am grateful for a living Prophet who leads and guides this Church.

What a blessings his words are to me.

They bring safety and peace in times of confusion and turmoil.

And they bring understanding and clarity to principles of righteousness.

6. I am grateful for a Heavenly Father who loves me.

I am His child. 

And He loves me enough to give me opportunities to learn everyday.

Sometimes those opportunities hurt.

But as I pray, I can see more and more how they are helping me grow.

7. I am grateful for the Book of Mormon.

I learn something new from it every day that brings me closer to my Savior.

Those are my thoughts. 

They make me strive to be a better person each day.

Because I believe.

Go here to learn more.

Puppy Times

Last night I got to puppy sit!

Troy brought this cute little thing to work and I got to take her home for the evening.

I just loved her! 

But puppies are a lot more work than I thought they would be...

The part where they get into everything,

And are not potty trained,

And like to tear stuff apart,

And eat bugs.

I was not ready for that part.

I was ready, however, to give her a bath,

to cuddle with her,

to watch her sleep,

to show her off to adoring friends and neighbors.

Most people turn into a ridiculous babytalking stranger when they see a puppy.

It's awesome.

And it makes me like some people even more.

And it makes me like others less for their general lack of caring.

I mean, IT'S A CUTE LITTLE PUPPY!!!

Look at that face!

How can you resist?

Running is the worst!

Once, I ran a race.

I trained for it.

I did it.

I didn't like.

I won't be doing it again.

The only reason I look so happy here is because it is over.

And because they gave me water and a popsicle. 

But I did it. 

Fanks for pushing me, Kenzie.

You're doing the next one alone.