Oh it is love

Oh, Oh.

I do love John Steinbeck.

Here is a letter that he wrote to his son.

Perfect.

New York
November 10, 1958
Dear Thom:

We had your letter this morning. I will answer it from my point of view and of course Elaine will from hers.

First -- if you are in love -- that's a good thing -- that's about the best thing that can happen to anyone. Don't let anyone make it small or light to you.

Second -- There are several kinds of love. One is a selfish, mean, grasping, egotistical thing which uses love for self-importance. This is the ugly and crippling kind. The other is an outpouring of everything good in you -- of kindness and consideration and respect -- not only the social respect of manners but the greater respect which is recognition of another person as unique and valuable. The first kind can make you sick and small and weak but the second can release in you strength, and courage and goodness and even wisdom you didn't know you had.

You say this is not puppy love. If you feel so deeply -- of course it isn't puppy love.

But I don't think you were asking me what you feel. You know better than anyone. What you wanted me to help you with is what to do about it -- and that I can tell you.

Glory in it for one thing and be very glad and grateful for it.

The object of love is the best and most beautiful. Try to live up to it.

If you love someone -- there is no possible harm in saying so -- only you must remember that some people are very shy and sometimes the saying must take that shyness into consideration.

Girls have a way of knowing or feeling what you feel, but they usually like to hear it also.

It sometimes happens that what you feel is not returned for one reason or another -- but that does not make your feeling less valuable and good.

Lastly, I know your feeling because I have it and I'm glad you have it.

We will be glad to meet Susan. She will be very welcome. But Elaine will make all such arrangements because that is her province and she will be very glad to. She knows about love too and maybe she can give you more help than I can.

And don't worry about losing. If it is right, it happens -- The main thing is not to hurry. Nothing good gets away.

Love,

Fa

via Cup of Jo

We are all made of air

Whew!

That last post was a downer!

Don't worry, I have my new red shoes to comfort me.

(A steal at H&M. So glad they opened one here in Utah!)

I know that you think this is about dating because you know me, but it actually isn't. Despite the not-dating setting off these thoughts.

For awhile, Everything was going great.

I had Everything I wanted.

Not that it wasn't hard sometimes, but I wanted that, too.

I've never wanted things to be easy and just handed to me.

So, not easy, but great!

Then Things happened.

And it was great.

But Everything fell apart.

But that was ok, because of Things.

But then Things broke.

Beyond repair, it felt like.

Then Other Things happened.

Good things.

Other Things that put me back together again.

But there were still a lot of cracks.

Broken beyond repair, it felt like.

Then those Other Things started falling apart, too.

Not in the same way at all.

But they certainly tugged at all those cracks.

And now I am sitting here feeling like I am left with nothing.

I know that isn't true.

But most everything important to me is not really around.

I still have what counts, I suppose.

But I am at a point in my life where Those Things just are enough.

I need the Other Things.

But the Other Things are being awfully elusive.

And as spending time with a friend tonight was interrupted and I quickly became the seventh wheel (yes, that's right, seventh. In a matter of 5 minutes.) I started to really feel the gap left by those Other Things.

And I want Everything back.

But I do not know how to get it.

So be patient with me while I find it, ok?

Letters of Note

I've discovered a new website, Letters of Note, that has me completely fascinated.

It is full of amazing letters, from J.R.R. Tolkien to an editor, Adolus Huxley to George Orwell, Abigail Adams to John Adams, Fredrick Douglass to his former master.

Some are boring, but most are amazing.

This one, a letter from a slave to his former mistress, struck me so strongly.

Go explore!

Important Information

I saw you wondering who Benedict Cumberbatch is.

Let me help you.

Amazing Grace.

Warhorse.

and above all, Sherlock!!!

Don't worry, he's just the best.

If anyone can make you fall in love with a selfish sociopath, he is the one.

Quote of My Day

"What's past is prologue."

~The Tempest, William Shakespeare

Sleeping to Dream

Lately I've been having the most amazing dreams.

And I love it!

I've been sleeping less and dreaming more.

Is there a correlation?

I hope not.

But if so, I choose the awesome dreams I've been having.

Yesterday morning I woke up from a Halloween party and kissing Benedict Cumberbatch.

Yesterday afternoon I took a nap and dreamed I was in California swimming in the sunshine with an old boyfriend's family.

(Ok that one sounds weird, but it wasn't. Just good.)

And this morning I woke up from some good-ness about Batman and Sherlock and my family and saving the world and super powers and maybe there was some sort of defeating a bad guy with kryptonite.

I know they all sound silly.

I don't know what I've been doing lately to bring this on.

And I couldn't tell you the plot to any of these.

But they are just happy dreams that make me excited to live my life.

Even though they are all unrealistic and I would probably curl up and cry if they happened in real life.

The point is, I don't think I've ever had such vivid and fun dreams before.

What about you?

Do you always dream?

And what are your dreams like?

Exciting?

Terrifying?

Tell me, tell me!!!

My boy from the South... where is he?!

There's something about this song...

It reminds me that I just want a boy from the South.

Growing up, that's all I dreamed about.

I just knew that I would marry a cute boy with a soft accent who loved his mama and Georgia.

It really all started with a boy from Oklahoma.

I can't even remember his name.

But, man, I adored him!

Cowboy boots, sweet accent, and such a gentleman.

No clue where he got off to, but I think about him every once in awhile.

I've come to realize that I don't need a boy from the South to be able to fall in love.

But it sure would be nice.

Movie Review

La princess de Montpensier

5 reasons to watch it:

1. unrequited love (for all of the main characters. brilliant.)

2. Melanie Thierry is perhaps the most beautiful woman alive.

3. it's French

4. lots of handsome men

5. historically significant

5 reasons not to watch it:

1. you might cry

2. a few people get killed

3. you might see somebody's boobies

4. it is in French

5. you want a happy ending

The 5 reasons not to watch it?

Irrelevant.

Watch it anyways.

the terrible, horrible, no good, very bad week

la dee da

here I am, minding my own business.

being happy.

working hard.

living away.

in spite of.

then came Sunday.

it's funny what cracks us open sometimes.

in this case, it was something good.

that reminded me of something bad.

enter self-doubt.

sirens were going off in my head,

"wee-ooo wee-ooo look out look out! danger up ahead!"

but would I listen to them?

nooooo....

enter sneaky hate spiral.

you know what I'm talking about.

one thing goes wrong,

everything goes wrong.

1

2

3

4

5

6

6 big things.

(what are they? none of your beeswax.)

I shouldn't have to deal with one of those on my own, let alone 6 of those nasty little buggers.

so how do you cope?

enter tender mercies.

(these I will label.)

1. Becca.

sweetest lady lets me email her and tell her everything. she doesn't tell me to cowboy up, she doesn't get annoyed that I spill my guts to her. no. she likes it. likes it. gives me advice. tells me her stuff. then asks for more. lucky lucky me.

2. mom.

tells me awesome stories about crazy family members and gives me inspiration to get writing. and then tells me she loves me.

3. Tiffani.

always with the Tiffani. forever and ever. understanding, wise, kind. everything I need. picks me up and says the exact thing I need to hear at that moment.

4. my roommates' hometeacher.

who left the Ensign cause we didn't have one. changed my Monday afternoon.

5. Parker.

who let's me enter the prison cell and will in fact join me in the corner on the cold hard cement. introduces me to panda express. picks me up from the testing center on the cold dark night and takes me to mcdonalds.

6. music.

specifically, first aid kit, miranda lambert, the pistol annies, sara barielles, he is we, and the civil wars. ya know, for when I don't have the words but the words still need to be said.

Anyways, I guess I just feel a lot like that statue.

A whole lotta cracks.

Sometimes life just leaves us with a lot of cracks.

But that is how the light can shine through.

your own little bubble

How big is your personal bubble?

Mine is secretly quite large, but I'm always afraid that I'm imposing on the people around me if I hug attack them or sit real close.

You see, I grew up in a family where it was hugs and kisses all the time.

All. The. Time.

I know that even though I am in college, if I am home and have a bad dream, I can go crawl in bed next to my mom.

And my dad will grumble and roll over to make room.

But my mom will scoot even closer to me.

And I better hug and kiss my parents good-bye before heading to the grocery store.

Ya know, in case something happens.

And everybody touches everybody all the time.

Sometimes in a funny, gotcha! way.

Sometimes just a loving pat as you're walking by.

But nobody has a chance for a bubble.

Cause, darn it, we all want to sit on the couch and we can all fit if we squeeze and sit on top of each other.

But then I went to college.

And realized that not everyone is that way.

Some of my friends do not want to be touched.

Some are in between.

And some don't mind if you want to snuggle.

What's your bubble like?

Do you sit close to someone, even if there is room on the other side of the couch?

Do you give hugs every time you see a friend?

Kisses on the cheek?

And why are you like this?

What's your family like?

I'm just curious.

Good Day

Remember how I was going to blog every day but now 3 days have gone by?

Whoops.

So what?

I like, have a life and stuff.

But lucky you, today I am sick.

And with nothing else to do, since I have finished all my homework, I shall grace you with words.

Not my words, though.

I haven't been hitting or biting lately, so I think I've been having pretty good days.

In spite of.

In case you were bored and starting to sound like the vultures in Disney's The Jungle Book

Do you have a boyfriend?

(husband, friend, etc)

Are you bored of doing the same old boring thing every week?

Like eating food and watching movies?

Me too.

There is way more to life than that silly boring-ness.

Not that movies and food are necessarily bad...

But I feel like if that is all you do you will

1. start to look like whales

b. make out all the time instead of talking

3. break up for one of the two reasons above

Unless you're friends.

Then you hopefully won't be making out.

But maybe you will start being bored with each other.

Fun time.

At least, a list of things I found on the internet machine that I would think are fun.

1. go to the park and swing on the swings

2. test drive new cars

3. go to the planetarium (BYU has a great one)

4. ice skating

(I will only do this with a boy as I am real bad at it and need someone to hold on to that one up and leave me.

Friends suck at this.)

5. go on a picnic (I have a cute picnic basket if you need to borrow it)

6. finger painting on a giant roll of butcher paper

7. rent a canoe from the Ropes Course in southwest Provo. $10 for 2 hours and they provide everything you need. Bring sandwiches, eat on the water, wear mosquito repellant.

8. go catch butterflies in the mountains in spring time.

9. go fly kites. Maybe make them first.

10. get your laptop and blankets and go into the forest and watch a scary movie. like The Village. cause it takes place in a forest.

11. croquet

12. bonfire and smores

13. art museum

14. keep up on BYU's events. And Springville's. Cause they both have awesome stuff right now, like Opera Scenes (Mozart this year) and The Importance of Being Earnest.

15. Demolition Derby

16. rodeos

17. graffiti up campus (or your neighborhood) with side walk chalk and quotes that may or may not be confusing and disturbing out of context

18. heart attack your friends and neighbors

19. drive around Utah lake

20. tandem bike ride

21. bike down the canyon at night (my flavorite)

22. find the tallest building in town, make paper airplanes, see who wins

23. poetry reading

24. make a fort and read books out loud to each other (make sure there are white Christmas lights involved)

25. go to the library

Guess what?

This list is really for me.

Not you.

But I figured you might be able to benefit anyways, since I'm nice and all.

the prettiest thing on earth

I am obsessed with the human body.

I think it is so beautiful.

Remember how our bodies can do so much?

My roommate just signed up for a marathon.

Can you believe that the human body can run 26 miles in one day?

Have you ever been to an opera?

That the human body can produce a sound so glorious is triumphant.

I can watch videos of ballet on youtube for hours.

I can't believe the control that it requires.

Every time I hold a little baby I am mesmerized.

How can something so tiny be so perfectly formed?

And have the capability to grow into me?

I think that I need to take better care of my own body.

So.

Goals:

1. Follow the food pyramid

2. At least a half hour of exercise each day

Also, freckles.

I want them.

Curse my skintone.

Oh welcome back

I realized that I don't really blog anymore.

Once upon a time, this little ol' thing was getting over 2,000 hits a week.

No, that isn't the same person who has a secret crush on me.

That 2,000 different people.

(Thank you, Google analytics, for helping me brag.)

But then I discovered Tumblr and Pinterest and boys and work and school.

And those other websites just made it easier to save all the things I liked without having to work.

And my biggest fault is laziness.

(Trying to kick that. Starting small. Don't hate if you aren't seeing results. The fact that I have showered/taken a bath every day for the past month is HUGE.)

So since most of you dear readers are people who actually know me, maybe I shall turn into one of those boring blogs that only updates you on my life.

Or maybe I will return to enjoying writing for writing's sake.

And posting things that I think are so wonderful that I can't help but share.

Yes.

That one.

Goal: Post once a day for 30 days.

That should get me back in the habit, right?

And since I actually enjoy it, it should be easy shmeazy.

Here we go.

pretty picture courtesy of My Tumblr.

you can go there if you like looking at pretty things or if you like thought provoking quotes.

The Venus Project

So Italian artist Anne Utopia Giordano recently did the Venus Project, where she photo shopped the famous paintings of Venus to fit today's standards of beauty.

I want to know what you think about how they look now.

Because I just can't get on board.

My favorite thing about the original paintings is the shape of the woman's body.

It is real.

It is beautiful.

And I've always celebrated my own body when it looked a little bit more like the beautiful women in the paintings I adore.

And it makes me stop and wonder,

Why does our society currently place such an emphasis on being thin?

Because a woman's figure is just as beautiful to me with all the curves.

Post edit:

After reading my friend Shannon's response to this (which you should read), I think I need to be more clear. For me, it isn't about being thin or curvy that is better. What it's really about it loving your body for what it is and not trying to change it to fit an ideal. Some women are naturally so tiny (like my mom!) but I would be just as against drastic measures for them to fit the ideal, if it happened to be different than who they are. And I did a little bit of editing of my words to fit my thoughts better with my meaning.

(via A Cup of Jo)

crazy cat lady? No. crazy guinea pig lady.

Once, I got a guinea pig.

I was lonely.

So I brought him home.

And I love him.

He looks something like this.

He doesn't love me yet.

But don't worry, he will.

He has quite a few names:

Chuckie, Julio, Gus-Gus.

Haven't decided on a permanent one yet.

Mainly, I just call him Piggy.

He's just a little guy.

But I think we're going to be real happy together.

As soon as he figures out that he needs to eat his vegetables.

Be the change you wish to see in the world. That's a famous quote, right?

I am loving school this year.

I know that it is only the beginning, but I love what I have already.

My most favorite is my Transatlantic Literary History class.

I'm taking it with my friend Parker and that just makes it even more fun.

Today, our reading assignment was Mary Wollstonecraft.

Parker told me he had a crush on her.

I thought he was silly.

Then I read her stuff.

Now I have a crush on her.

In a time where women didn't have a lot of rights, she defied societies standards and did as she pleased.

In her short life she

opened a school

taught herself French and German

supported her sisters, father, and the family of her best friend who had passed away

wrote and reviewed books for a publishing company

wrote many great responses to other works of her day

fell passionately in love

twice

Oh, did I mention that she was the mother of Mary Wollstonecraft Godwin?

You probably know her better as Mary Shelley, the author of Frankenstein.

Wollstonecraft wasn't afraid of the world she lived in.

I can't get over how much I admire her.

In her Vindication of the Rights of Women she says,

"I wish to shew that elegance is inferior to virtue, that the first object of laudable ambition is to attain character as a human being, regardless of the distinction of sex."

Basically, she's super cool.

Way ahead of her time.

And brilliant.

And passionate.

A gift guide. For me. Duh!

The new She & Him songbook

(vol 1 or 2 would do nicely)

$16

A mason jar night light

$18

A romantic star projector

$22

biarritz maillot zig zag swim suit

$too much

A mustache sweater.

(don't know where to get this)

A superman snuggie

$33

Oh, and if you're near Trader Joe's, please pick me up some of these.

I will be yours forever.

You're welcome, Santa.

from the Thoughts Catalog

You Are the Sun